


I Hide Where You Can Find Me

by MissBouncing



Category: 30 Seconds to Mars, Actor RPF, Alexander (2004), Farrelleto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 00:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9409649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissBouncing/pseuds/MissBouncing
Summary: When everything falls apart, there is only one place to turn.





	

The first time Colin found Jared standing outside his front door he was so shocked that he almost closed it again, just to check if the phantom would go away if challenged. But he did not close it. As pathetic as it sounded in his head to think it, he would never close the door on Jared. Instead, Colin wordlessly held the door open for the other man to slip inside. 

Colin wanted to ask why the singer had picked him off all people to turn to, why was he not at home with his brother or off working with the band. But he did not ask. Colin had heard about the lawsuit when it was mentioned on E! News. He would be lying if he said he did not still keep taps on Jared’s career. And even one as tough as Jared had to feel at least a little bummed out about being challenged for 30 million dollars. 

It had passed midnight a while ago and Colin had started to feel the first stirrings of drowsiness. Though not enough to make him stop his channel surfing, but enough to make him consider finding his bed, when the knocking on his door had made him disregard his plans. 

What do you do when you find your smoldering hot ex-fuckbuddy on your doorstep at two in the morning? 

Apparently, you let him in. 

Looking Jared over, Colin had a hard time not hugging him, let alone closing the door on him. The singer had dark circles under the prominent blue eyes and several days’ worth of stubble deepening the hollow cheeks. The usually striking man looked more pitiful than Colin had ever seen him. Not even the long days in the deserts of Morocco or even the accursed jungle in Thailand had ever caused such an air of defeat to cling to Jared. 

Out of compassion, Colin could not get himself to voice any of the million questions burrowing through his mind. He knew that Jared was likely not going to offer him anything other than small talk, or even lies, if forced. But that did not stop them from gripping his attention. Why me? Why now? And why do you look like the world has finally forced you to the ground?

Colin made his way back into the darkened living room and Jared followed him silently. He was just about to point to the couch in a silent offer of a seat, when he remembered that the American had been here before and knew the room well. Jared made his way past him and sat down in plush furniture, treating the Irishman's comfy couch as though it was his own, as he plopped his legs up onto the nearby coffee table. If it were not for Jared hugging himself, he might even have looked at ease. Instead, he looked wired and uncomfortable in his own skin despite visibly trying to relax. When he eventually allowed his hands fall to his lap he still kept rubbing the skin on his wrists and occasionally fidgeted with the hem of his ratty t-shirt.

They spent the next four hours in silence. Jared was frowning while Colin chain-smoked as they pretended to watch the television, without really seeing it. Not a single word was exchanged, but the silence was hardly uncomfortable – more contemplative. They had never really needed words anyway. Back when they were shooting Alexander, their bodies had done the talking. Little gestures used instead of words. Their reliance on physical communication would have been reminiscent of language barrier problem, if it were not for the fact that they both spoke English. 

Colin turned back to the TV in confusion. He had no idea what they were supposed to be watching as he kept sneaking glances at the fidgeting Jared. He wanted to speak up. He even opened his mouth a few times, but he closed it again each time, as he could not deny the urge to protect Jared’s wishes.

At 7 AM the singer finally succumbed to sleep and Colin breathed a sigh of relief. Jared had slumped against the armrest in a slightly cramped position and despite having fiddled and twitched for hours Jared now looked more relaxed than Colin thought possible. He was lying on his side with one arm wrapped around his midsection and the other used as a pillow. Getting a blanket, Colin wrapped it around Jared’s narrow shoulders before making it back to bed.

When he got up at noon and made his way downstairs, the blanket was folded neatly on the couch. On top of the pile was a small note written on a yellow post-it that Jared had gotten from the stack next to the fridge. A simple ‘Thank you’ was scrawled in Jared’s bumpy handwriting. 

Colin could not help feeling slightly embarrassed when he found himself stuffing the note underneath a fold out calendar, which was tacked to the fridge, for safekeeping. No one could see it, but he still knew it was there. 

The second time around he was just as surprised to find the American at his doorstep. It had been nearly three weeks and Colin had concluded that Jared’s visit was the equivalent of a one-night stand. Only the fucking had for some reason been substituted with awkward TV watching instead of mind blowing, earth shattering sex. He had therefore not expected to see a clean-shaven Jared, wearing neatly pressed slacks and a very understated button up shirt, outside his door. Not at all the singer’s regular style, especially not when recording. Everything about the clothing would have screamed ‘I’m a professional’, if it were not for the many undone buttons, the open cufflinks and the fact that the wearer seemed dead on his feet.

This time, Colin did not waste any time turning on the TV, he simply opened the door and allowed Jared to walk past him into the living room. He got the same blanket from last time and handed it to Jared, ignoring that it was only late afternoon. Colin sat down in the armchair and started pouring over a script offered to him while Jared made himself comfortable. He briefly wondered if he should go and let Jared rest undisturbed, but a quick mental calculation made him conclude that if Jared wanted to sleep alone he would likely have stayed home. So Colin stayed. Within a few minutes, soft snores rose up from the couch. 

When Colin went to bed around midnight, Jared was still fast asleep and Colin did not have the heart to do anything about it. By morning, Jared was long gone and left behind were only the blanket and yet another ‘Thank you’ note, which Colin chose to introduce to its predecessor under the fold out calendar.

It became a ritual. Jared would show up at the door at some random hour of the day, claim the couch for a few hours of sleep with no questions asked. He would leave without saying goodbye, even when Colin was awake, and leave behind only a meager ‘Thank you’ note, which Colin stuffed away behind the fridge with an undue reverence.

On the eight time, the water for Jared’s beloved hot chocolate was already boiling. Not bothering to knock, the singer let himself in, toeing off his sneakers in the doorway. Colin was just about to make it into the living room, happy to continue the book he began the last time Jared had dropped by. 

“Colin, can we talk this time?”

Jared’s voice startled Colin so much that he stopped in his steps, turning around hesitantly before throwing his hand through his hair. He hated it when people changed the rules in the middle of the game. It was annoying. First, Jared had laid down the line by staying quiet for hours, and now the idiot suddenly desired verbal communication. How dared he. This worked. Colin suddenly felt pissed. They did not get into shouting matches when there was no speaking. They did not start fucking when there was no flirting. They did not burn any bridges when there were no scathing words exchanged after the sex ended in bruised emotions. 

For some reason, they had kept hurting each other after they had sex. Feelings became tangled. After only one time, there had been awkwardness. After two times, there had been misplaced anger. After three times, they had been at each other throats. The fourth time never happened, as they had been ready to kill each other at that point.

These past few weeks of silence had gone a lot more smoothly and been a lot more enjoyable than weeks of talking and fucking between them. This worked, so why would Jared willingly mess up a good thing. Moron.

“Colin?” 

“You know what, no! We can’t talk. This doesn’t work when we talk!” And with that he stormed out of the house and into his garden, leaving a stunned Jared in his kitchen.

Huffing, Colin sat down on the grass. He had no idea why this bothered him so much. Had no idea why Jared wanting to do anything other than sitting in silence made him so uncomfortable. 

For these past few weeks, Jared had become a permanent fixture in his life. He had even come to look forward to the singer’s unannounced visits. And if he had to admit it, he had come to like watching Jared sleep, no matter how voyeuristic that made him sound. He just genuinely liked watching Jared with his guard down. When filming Alexander, Jared had been on the rebound, making him confrontational and selfish. Having just left a four year relationship capped off with a two year engagement pushed Jared into immerging himself in a project that would take him out of the country for a long time, in a desperate attempt to give his still healing heart some distance. 

Though Jared and him had liked each other from the beginning, their friendship had been ruined by sex. Colin had been dismayed to find himself becoming jealous of the time that Jared spent with others and Jared had simply given him the cold shoulder once things got a little too complicated.

Seeing Jared now, so unguarded and so emotionally available, had changed something. When their paths separated after Alexander, there had been no hard feelings. But, there had also been a desire to bury that part of their lives in search of something better. 

Now Jared had wormed his way back into his life, making him question just how free of him his heart ever was. Making him question what fate their relationship might have had, had they been more ready for their attraction to strike. Because he was attracted. He had always been attracted. Their amazing sex back then proved there was a spark between them, but out of bed there had been awkwardness and hurt feelings weighing them down, which were never supposed to have been there. 

He felt someone sit down next to him and he did not need to lift his head and look up to know that Jared had joined him.

“It’s a nice place you’ve got here.”

“I’ve always liked the interior but this is the first time I’ve seen your garden.”

“I wouldn’t have taken you for one with green thumbs, but it all looks amazing.”

“I bet the pool’s really nice when it get’s hot-“

“Jared.”

“You know I can keep going.”

“Why me?”

“I honestly don’t know. The first time around I was just looking for a good fuck.”

“I’m not talking Morocco.”

“Neither was I.” Jared sighed. “The first night I came here, I needed someone to fuck me. I came looking for you because,” he snorted. “Let’s face it, fucking was the only thing we were good at. But when I arrived at your doorstep ready to jump you and demand sex… I just… I froze.” 

Colin waited for Jared to continue and he was rewarded.

“You just stood there and watched me. Just watched me. And for some weird reason I wanted you to watch me. No. I wanted you to see me. Just to see.”

Suddenly, Jared leaned over and demandingly kissed Colin. Soft, wet lips closing over the Irishman’s fuller ones. The angle was awkward but the passion was unmistakable. Colin was just about to reciprocate when Jared pulled back.

“Sorry, that was not what I wanted to do.” Jared smiled self-consciously and wrapped his arms around himself. 

“I’m not mad anymore,” Colin offered.

“I never wanted you to be. I’m sorry for taking advantage of your hospitality like that-,“ Colin was just about to object when Jared stopped him.

“No, listen, I should have asked or something. I was just so happy that for once, no one was asking me stuff that I couldn’t answer. You weren’t asking if I was okay, you just assumed that I wasn’t and opened your home to try and help. You didn’t ask me if the band was going to survive, making me feel fucking pressured into assuring you that we would still be here a year from now. You didn’t demand shit from me… and I wanna thank you for that. Thank you.”

“The notes. You already thanked me.” Colin remarked, letting his body gravitate closer to the singer. “And by the way, you can drop by anytime you like.” With that Colin leaned over and kissed Jared enthusiastically and the singer gladly opened his mouth to the onslaught, letting the younger man’s tongue meet his own. 

Jared was warm and pliant in his hold. Much less tense than Colin remembered him to be when they had shared a bed. The younger man buried his hands in Jared’s long blond strands, urgently pulling him close as they kissed, demanding mouths exploring the once familiar territory without finesse, without a shred of decency. Just sensation, hot – needy – yes that had Colin biting Jared’s lower lip before swallowing the moan that ensued. 

Colin thought his head was going to explode from the whirlwind coursing through him.

When they broke away, Jared let out a content moan before breaking the silence. 

“You still taste like... You.” The words made Colin look curiously at Jared, who quickly backtracked, “I mean, you know, like... you. Like refuge. Christ that sounds stupid.” 

Colin could not help but grin as he claimed the suddenly flustered man’s mouth again.

Refuge sounded good.

 

End


End file.
